He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
