The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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