Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
