I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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