true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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