Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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