I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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