i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Princesses don't give blow jobs
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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