A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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