I'm gonna have a badass scar
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
