My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
