Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
