Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
