Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
