Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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