She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
