You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
