Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
no, he came in my armpit
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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