the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
