The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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