Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
