I just saw a hot homeless man
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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