Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
