do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
is it fun? or sober?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
