I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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