This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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