maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
