hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
