She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
