I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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