omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
