he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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