Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
