this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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