whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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