she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
