My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
