okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
