Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
