Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
