I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
