im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
