I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
