i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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