we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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