At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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