He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
