Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
