dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
