why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
