he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
